ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
