3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
