Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
