I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
