my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
