I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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