I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
