I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
