Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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