i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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