the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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