i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
