I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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