They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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