i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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