You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
