You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
