Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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