your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Enjoy the penises
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
