Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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