did you get engaged???
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
