I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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