i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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