I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
