just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
