Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
