I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
