you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
