Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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