I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
