how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
