how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
