Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
