You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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