the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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