What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize