Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize