I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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