i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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