Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
