doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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