the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
