what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
