I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize