who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
