Your face is a jimmy john
honey bunches of taint.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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