we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
