Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
