You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
