i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
