the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
