I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
should my penis look like a turkey
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
