Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am mentally ready for anal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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