i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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