so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
