Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
