After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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