Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fill condoms, not promises.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize