I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
