So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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