that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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