how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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