Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
