Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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