If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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