I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
